Bomb Jokes / Recent Jokes

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics shed be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the o dds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his more...

The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25
Number 4/1979. P. O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United
States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make
an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that
all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such
atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States
courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and more...

The other day, we had a bomb scare here in Rio Rancho, NM, at the Giant gas station. Of course, the bomb squad had to be called out to investigate, which in turn brought the news crews. In the local paper the next day, there was a picture of a bomb squad member, wearing a shirt that read: "I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up!"

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10, 000 word document and calls it a "brief ".
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat whichisn't there.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's more...

North Korea test a nuclear bomb.
N.Korean officials said that they named the bomb the "Madeline" to honor the former Secretary of State who successfully brokered the non nuclear proliferation agreement.

Car bombs and a suicide bomber left at least 75 people dead and more than 100 wounded Saturday, the day former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein was executed for crimes committed during his rule.
At least 66 people were killed in car bomb attacks on markets in a Shiite area of Baghdad and the southern Shiite town of Kufa.
Residents have been shopping for the Eid al-Adha Muslim holiday, which started Saturday for Sunnis and will start Sunday for Shiites.
A new wave of car bomb attacks is scheduled on Monday for Sunnis and Tuesday for Shiites.

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2: Don’t worry, I have a one more.