Bond Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once it so happened in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy..
Both were traveling to US.
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know ur name please?"
James Bond: "I am Bond.. James Bond."
James Bond: "and you?"
Telugu Guy: "I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai... Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai.... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai. .. Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai.."
James Bond FAINTS.

Via AP News
19 Year old Rebecca Sue Taylor of Charleston offered to sell her 5 month old baby for 10 grand to another woman after saying she was unable to bond with the infant and needed money for a new apartment.
"Unable to bond with the infant".. oh ok... so she tried... how can you blame her. "Yeah, the baby just doesnt love me back... but he's in like-new condition... you can have him for 10 thousand, or best offer... free shipping... all sales final... I'll even through in his favorite teddy bear."

All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day long.
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call your mother and thank her.
Can I buy you a car?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Can I flirt with you?
Can I have directions to your heart?
Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Do you like apples? How about I take you home and screw the hell out of you, how'd you like them apples?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
Do you take it up the ass?
Do you want to go out for a pizza and a screw? What, don't you like pizza?
Forget that. more...

A savings bond matures slowly, and makes money.

Condom that doubles as a self-inflating hot-air balloon (with reservoir tip)
"The Cartman" - an anal probe that facilitates otherwise impossible ski moves
Palm Pilot to distract bad guys with that hilarious Top 5 List
Condom coated with truth serum
Can of whoop-ass disguised as a Diet Coke
Miniature caulking gun for holes in the plot
Giant foam hand that says "British Secret Service #1!"
Viagra Martini: for when he's shaken, not stirred
Really grippy pliers
Cool British sports car that - get this - actually *runs*!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Cool New Gadget Used by James Bond...
Whatever it is, I bet a cheap plastic replica of it will fit in a Happy Meal.
Rumination of the Day: If you get a headache while in church, that means that God is trying to see what you're thinking. Contrary to logic, you should not make things easier by yelling to God, "So why didn't the Thundercats have their own theme more...