Bonds Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes -- anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.

So there he was, he and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up.

He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."

No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says, " OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."

Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."

Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my more...

Alex Rodriguez apologized for his steroid use, and expects fans to forgive him, especially since he’s never used any in October. By owning up to his past indiscretions, Rodriguez has shown he's smarter than Barry Bonds. Then again, a single celled amoeba nursing a hangover is also smarter than Barry Bonds.

Barry Bonds and his wife are divorcing. Maybe he’s not taking as many performance enhancing drugs as we thought.

1. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
2. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. . . . . men will screw anything.
3. How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
4. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don’t have balls to scratch.
5. What is a man’s idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
6. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He’s breathing.
7. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
8. What do men and beer bottles have in common.
They are both empty from the neck up.
9. How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
10. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows.. . . . . It’s never been done.
11. How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are already taken, and the ones left are more...

Q: What is the title of the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What men know about women"
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "One... a man will screw anything"
Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: "He eats beans for dinner"
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: "Because they don't have balls to scratch"
Q: What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A: "30 minutes of begging"
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A: "If he's breathing"
Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: "Bonds mature"
Q: What do men and beer bottles have in common?
A: "They are both empty from the neck up"
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: "Who cares"
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: "We don't know... It's never been done"
Q: How are more...

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A more...

Merrill Lynch has announced it is issuing three new bonds for 2001:
1. The Lewinsky Bond, which has no maturity.
2. The Gore Bond, which has no interest.
3. The Clinton Bond, which has no principal.