Bonds Jokes / Recent Jokes

Barry Bonds underwent elbow surgery to remove bone chips and hypodermic needles. Next week, Bonds is scheduled to have surgery to drain all the cantaloupe juice from his over-sized melon head.

What is the difference between men and
government bonds?
The bonds mature. Eventually.

Barry Bonds' wife has filed for legal separation. Soon even his marriage will have an asterisk attached to it.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions.
Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of more...

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women? A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A: Both of them.Q: Why did the man cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut.Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time.Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg? A: They won't stop to ask directions.Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds? A: The bonds mature.Q: Why are blonde jokes so short? A: So men can remember them.Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: We don't know; it has never happened.Q: Why is it difficult to find more...

Now that there are now three new bonds available:

Monica Lewinski Bond -- Has No Maturity
Hillary Clinton Bond -- Has No Interest
Bill Clinton Bond -- Has No Principal

These should be hot sellers to all Republicans.

New documents prove that Barry Bonds tested positive for steroids four times between 2000 and 2003. This is the only time news concerning Barry Bonds will ever be positive.