Boots Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did." "Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did." "Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1, 000."
A few weeks later it happened again,
and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says: more...

Dumb Oklahoma Laws
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another`s hamburger.
It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
Whaling is illegal.
It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)
People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)
Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
Tattoos are banned.
No one may spit on a sidewalk.
It is more...

One day the Arkansas county sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots.
The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the heck are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"
Billy-Bob replies "Well, Sheriff, me and MaryLou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin.' MaryLou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a kissing and a-cuddlin' some more and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, then MaryLou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. So, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then MaryLou lay herself on the hay and said' Okay Billy-Bob, lets go to town!'....
I guess I'm the first one here!"

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"

Twas the night before Christmas, In Texas you know,
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreaming of Christmas, like me and like you.

Not stockings but boots, at the foot of their beds,
For this was Texas, What more need be said?
When all of a sudden from out the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright!

And I saw cross the prairie, like the shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, Come on at a run.
The driver was "whistling" and "shouting" with a will,
The "Horses" (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.

"Come on there Buck, Poncho, and Prince, to the right"
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you-all tonight.
The driver in his Levis, and a shirt that was red,
Had a 10 gallon Stetson on the top of his head.

As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
the more...

Recently an episode of the LWT series BREAD contained the
following exchange:
Man #1: Well I didn't want Julie to get pregnant and Julie didn't
want to get pregnant!
Man #2: I suppose if you don't want to get wet, you don't go in
the water...
Man #1: But what if you only want to paddle?
Man #2: Then you wear your wellies.
(NB. Wellington Boots are knee-length rubber boots, if cross-culturality
is a problem.)