Border Jokes / Recent Jokes

Copied from the Houston Chronicle:
Language changes to reflect cultural shifts. And in this period of skill shortages, flexible work arrangements and global business deals, new workplace jargon was bound to pop up. So you're not caught off-guard at the next corporate luncheon when someone refers their employee as a "job vacuum" or "border crosser," here's a handy reference guide courtesy of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, the Chicago outplacement firm.
Job vacuums:
Employees who voluntarily sweep up extra duties; show strong work ethic.
Border Crossers:
Multi-skilled employees who feel comfortable jumping from job to job inside a firm.
Soft benefits:
Nonmonetary enhancements.
People churner:
A bad boss who often is blamed when a company can't retain its key employees.
Protected class:
Rank and file employees with critical job skills.
Boomerang workers:
Retirees returning to their previous more...

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"

A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and runs them down. They show him their papers (he thinks they are phony).
He tells them, "O. K. I have a test for you. I want you to use the words' cheese' and' liver' in a sentence."
So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch."
The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asks the second guy.
He says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen says disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent."Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".
The Englishmen reply angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come"."He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

"Sand," said the cyclist.

"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?" more...

BETHLEHEM -- It was rumored today that an unmarried couple from
Nazareth stopped in a manger owned by Alfredo Pinchi, a notorious
local slumlord, and a baby was born.

"There was no running water, and the place was filled with straw,"
commented local public health authorities. "We even found a
donkey inside!"

"The mother gave birth under extremely questionable circumstances,"
offered Pontius Pilate, Judean candidate for District Attorney.
"She claims to have been a virgin."

Unconfirmed reports indicate that Roman authorities are
investigating the baby on charges of sedition and treason. "There
are a bunch of people running around alleging that the baby is the
son of God," explained Pilate, "and that he will have some radical
ideas about religion in the future."

Three Kings from the Orient were caught on the outskirts of
Bethlehem more...

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now. ”
The mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze! ”
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence”.
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence. ”
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow? ”