Boston Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow from Boston was in Atlanta, GA, visiting family. One day he decided to take a walk around
the area where his relatives lived to enjoy their fine, comfortable Southern way of life - something
he was not accustomed to, being from Boston.
While he was walking he happened upon a pit bull attacking a small child. His instincts took over,
and he ran to the child's aid. He grabbed the dog, pulled him from the child, and choked the dog
until he was dead.
As the dead animal lay at his feet, a man came running over from the other side of the street. He
announced that he was the star reporter for the Atlanta newspaper, and he would make the rescuer
famous.
ATLANTA MAN SAVES CHILD FROM GRUESOME DEATH
the headlines would proclaim.
The would-be savior explained that it was very nice, but he was from Boston - not Atlanta. The next
day the headlines of the Atlanta paper read:
YANKEE JERK KILLS FAMILY PET

A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver: "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"

"Pal," replied the cabby, "I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time in the pluperfect subjunctive."

An artist in Boston is attempting to bring back “Smell-o-Vision” with screenings of “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” in which she creates the aromas of blueberry pies and banana taffy during the film. Among the films not slated to run in “Smell-o-Vision”, Steven King’s Pet Cemetery

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"
"No." said the boy.
"Why not?" said the judge.
"Because she beats me."
The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."
"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."
Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Boston Red Sox."
"Why?" asks the judge.
"They don't beat anybody."

Boston pitcher Jon Lester announced he is cancer free. Now if the Red Sox can trade Manny Ramirez, the same could be said for their clubhouse.

*Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.

*Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

*In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

*S. O. S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.

*Crickets hear through their knees.

*A' jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

*The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

*Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.

*U. S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.

*According to Genesis 1: 20-22 the more...

The Red Sox were overwhelmed by the Tampa Rays at Fenway yet again. Boston is so afraid of the Rays, Paul Revere will warn the city when they return.