Branch Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "Whats happened to this one?- I dont know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

Last night police were called to a branch of Pizza Hut after a body of a member of staff was found covered in mushrooms, onions ham and cheese. The police spokesman said that there was a strong possiblity that the man had topped himself.

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant,' but I haven't got the energy'.
' Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.' They're packed with nutrients'.
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on.
Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree.

The Moral of the Story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

“The New York Times says Ralph Nader is thinking of running for president again. We couldn’t be more excited. … Nader says he rejects the term spoiler. It’s a lot better than loser. ” –Jay Leno
“They’re getting ready to unveil President Bush’s presidential library. The committee in charge of President Bush’s presidential library said they want the building to reflect the spirit of the Bush presidency. So they said, ‘In other words, we’re just gonna build some stuff and see what happens. ’” –Conan O’Brien
“You remember Dick Cheney, he’s the vice president of the United States. He shot an old man in the face and didn’t tell anybody. Eventually, the news got out. Turned out the old man was fine. It was a hilarious story, and the old man ended up doing the right thing [on screen: atty Harry Whittington apologizing to Cheney’s family for the amount of media coverage]. At the time we all thought, ‘My God, how do you shoot an old man in the more...

Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!

Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
The moral of the story is: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!