Brand Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man lost his brand new bicycle and lodged a complaint at the police station.' Please give particulars of the bicycle,' ordered the inspector.
'Hero, brand new, black frame, black saddle, black carrier, silver bell.'
That description would fit every new bicycle,' interrupted the official.' Tell me something special about your machine.'
After thinking over the problem for a moment, the man replied.' Thanedar sahib, every time a lady's cycle is parked alongside it, its bell begins to ring.'

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1. 50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1. 00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take no crap off nobody!"

One morning, Bill and Bob were out playing a round of golf. The first hole was a long par four, with water to the left and a ravine to the right.
Bob took out a brand new sleeve of balls, teed one up and put it right into the water. Not giving it a second thought, he pulled another ball from the sleeve and put that one right into the ravine. He then took the last ball from the sleeve and put that one into the water as well.
As he reached into his bag and pulled out another brand new sleeve of balls, Bill asked, "Bob, why don't you just hit an old ball?"
"Well, because I've never had an old ball," Bob replied.

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "Ill bet youre back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dads reply, "Im gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like youve been doing to me all these years."

An Indian girl walked into a general store and asked the clerk for some toilet paper. So the clerk says, "Well, we have two brands of toilet paper: Toilet Paper Royal and the generic kind which doesn't have a name."
So the Indian girl asks, "What's the difference?", to which the clerk replies, "The generic brand is cheaper." So the Indian girl buys the generic brand and walks home.
The next day she walks into the store with the roll of toilet paper and says, "I have found a name for this toilet paper."
Curious the clerk says, "Well what is it?"
The girl replies, "John Wayne, because it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap from Indians."

A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks. One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your butt." They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look back and the is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing. They walk over to him and ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car."

He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.

As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting,' my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.

' 'Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman?

The lawyer, stunned, began to scream,
"My rolex, my brand new rolex!"