Breast Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."

"And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times!"

Associated Press: "The body of ex-model Jasmine Fiore was found Aug. 15 in a suitcase that had been dumped in a trash bin in Orange County, Calif. Fiore, 28, had been strangled. Her teeth and fingers were gone, and her body was so mutilated that investigators had to identify her though the serial number of her breast implants, prosecutors said Friday."
Me: Identified by her breast implants...sure, why should death be any different?

Finally, something other than smiley faces.... Perfect breasts(o)(o)Fake silicone breasts( + )( + )Perky breasts(*)(*)Big nipple breasts(@)(@)A cupso oD cups{ O }{ O }Wonder bra breasts(oYo)Cold breasts( ^ )( ^ )Lopsided breasts(o)(O)Pierced Breasts(Q)(O)Hanging Tassels Breasts(p)(p)Against The Shower Door Breasts( )( )Android Breasts o o Martha Stewart's Breasts($)($)OK Girls--now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness -- so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy...

A group of Asian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth selling human breast. One of the Asian lady asked the butcher, "Why are you selling women's breast?" The butcher replied, "In Ouagadougou, we have found that consuming women's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis." Hearing about the "enlarging the penis" the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast. "Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast." "Give me the price of each!", said the Asian lady impatiently. "The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says. "White breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound." The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast more...

A blonde competed with a brunette and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second.
The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

The Mammogram
This is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:
1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) beetween the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.
2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.
3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office.

She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor.

After arriving there, the doctor examined and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Breast fed" she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did.

He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."

"Naturally," she said, "I'm his aunt. But I'm glad I came."