Bribe Jokes / Recent Jokes

A government official was arrested for accepting a bribe from a contractor. A friend who went to visit him in the lock-up asked, "How are you going to get out of this mess?"
The official replied calmly, "I got into trouble for accepting a bribe; I will get out of it by giving it."

After receiving, for what must be the hundredth time, the canonical light bulb joke list, I came up with this:
Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark.
A': One: to award a billion dollar sole-source contract with Halliburton to replace it.
A'': thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President's bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny rumors that it's still dark in there.
A''': sixty: thirty to bribe staffers to write letters telling everyone how wonderful it is to sit in the dark, and thirty more to bribe newspaper editors to publish those letters.
A'''': The Administration will defend its policy of warrant-less surveillance of all Americans suspected of supporting foreign terrorist more...

Student - Teacher What Can I Do 2 Improve My Marks. Teacher - Simple Question Just Bribe Me.

*Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head
*Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to "spice up" your takeout *
*Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself.
*When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say "I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop."
*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book.
*Ask if his bullet-proof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.
*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy-ride.
*When he ask you for your licence say, "Oh sure officer, I could reach it if you'd hold my beer."
*Explain speeding with, "See officer, I was driving along when I droped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal."
*Lie on the ground and aks him to draw your outline in chalk.
*Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school more...

(Disclaimer-Some of this stuff is illegal.)
*Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head *Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to "spice up" your takeout * *Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself. *When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say "I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop."*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book. *Ask if his bullet-proof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy-ride. *When he ask you for your licence say, "Oh sure officer, I could reach it if you'd hold my beer." *Explain speeding with, "See officer, I was driving along when I droped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal."*Lie on the ground and aks him to draw your outline in chalk. *Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.*Ask him more...