Broken Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house." Did he get anything." his mates asked." yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
A woman walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I hurt all over."
The doctor says, "That's impossible!" She explains, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural blonde, aren't you?"
The woman smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?" The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."
A man was to be married and his friends threw him a stag party. As usual there was much drinking and merriment. As the evening wore on, the man was dancing nude and and hit his erect penis on the fireplace, knocking himself out.
Concerned, his friends took him to the hospital. Following an examination, the emergency room physician told them that their friend's condition was stable, that he was bruised and sore, that the medical term for his injury was complicated but in layman terms, "He had broken his prick". They shouldn't worry though, because he had supported the injured part with 4 tongue depressors neatly bound with tape.
The next day, the wedding was flawless and the bride was unaware of any problems. In their honeymoon suite, the bride was spread-eagled on the bed when her husband emerged from the bathroom and she said, "Come and get it, Honey, it's all yours. I'm untouched by any other, this is pure virgin wool".
The groom smiled as he dropped more...
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror
pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a
stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour
zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife
dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail
light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!
[The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing
your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!
The Man more...
Q: How many experienced computer users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why do they have to keep changing it? Every bloody week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that? It WAS broken this time you say? *Blush*
Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
Q: How many municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its the electrician's job to screw in lightbulbs.
Q: How many fat-cat factory owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The replacement more...