Broken Jokes / Recent Jokes

As the doctor was setting the middle-age farmhand's broken leg, he asked the man how it happened.
"Well, doc, it's like this," he replied. "About 20 years ago... "
"Never mind about the past," the doctor said. "How did you break your leg this morning?"
"Like I started to say... 20 years ago I began working on the farm," the farmhand explained. "One night, right after I had gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter entered my room and asked me if there was anything I wanted. I told her no, that everything was fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked me.
"Yes, I'm sure," I answered.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
"Reckon not," I told her.
"Excuse me," the doctor interrupted, "but what does all of this have to do with your broken leg?"
"Well, doc," the patient continued to explain, "this more...

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.The husband asks: "Did we break that too?""Yes", replies the man."Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks."No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer.""Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces."Second, I want a million bucks a week for life.""Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie more...

Two whores were talking shop...
"Why is it," asked Sharon, "that I get as many customers as you, and yet you seem to make a lot more money than me?"
"Well, I'll let you in on a little trick," said Tracy. "What I do is, before I go out, I take a rubber band and stick it up my self. Then when I get a bloke back to my flat and he starts doing the business, it goes ping. I tell him he's just broken my virginity. I usually get an extra $20 for that!"
"I'll give that a try," says Sharon.
She does and it works just fine. Unfortunately, one day as she was getting ready, she found that the bag of rubber bands was empty. She searched around, but all she could find was a catapult. She carfully inserted the catapult and set off for work. Having returned with a fella, Sharon spread them and as the bloke got going there was the usual ping.
"You've just broken my virginity!" said Sharon.
"Screw that," said more...

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
The lavatory is blocked. This is caused by the house next door throwing their balls on the roof.
This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked - where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
I want some repairs doing to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.
The person next door has a large erection more...

Hears more lyrics on records when they’re played backwards.
Her access time approaches infinity.
Her ancestors came to this country looking for bananas.
Her blender doesn’t go past “mix”.
Her brain has a corrupted filesystem / someone needs to run fsck on her brain.
Her brain is more like a Rube Goldberg device than a computer.
Her cache is incoherent.
Her dentist went deaf from the drill’s echoes.
Her dialing thumb must be broken.
Her ears serve the same function as holes in a dribble glass.
Her files are compressed 100%.
Her head needs a periodic whack on the side.
Her input pipe is broken.
Her interrupt handler hit a loop.
Her leads need resoldering.

If your watch is broken, why can't you go fishing? Because you don't have the time.

On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window more...