Bugs Jokes / Recent Jokes

99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,.... > (Repeat until BUGS = 0)

1. Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.
2. Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.
3. Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.
4. Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don’t do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.
5. Thou shalt not optimize.
Your user are very thankful to get the information, they don’t worry about speed and efficiency.
6. Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software any way.
7. Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will more...

The Life Cycle of Software

Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. See 3. See 4. See 5. See 6. See 7. See 8. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer more...

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution

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(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

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(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) more...

The Original Version
The Ant busts his rear in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up suplies for the winter. The Grasshopper
thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so dies out in the cold.
The New Liberal Version
It starts out the same but when winter comes, the shivering
Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant
should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and show pictures of the shivering
Grasshopper next to the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food. Americal is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be, in
a country of such wealth that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer
so? Then a representative of the NAGB (The National Association of Green
Bugs) shows up on Night Line more...

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by more...

Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.
Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.
Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.
Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don't do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.
Thou shalt not optimize.
Your users are very thankful to get the information, they don't worry about speed and efficiency.
Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software anyway.
Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will never need more...