Builders Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bar Joke
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in
here!
The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
>>
Dave: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's more...
When tenders were floated for the channel tunnel to connect England and France, many international building companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high; the job of digging beneath the sea required great engineering skill and building expertise. Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French Corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollars each; French and German builders were marginally lower. There was one from India: Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans.
Banta Singh and Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board. The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"
"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab and more...
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.
If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously do not know what the hell is going on.
If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.
If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If I your opinion, I`ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren`t there more happy people?
Q. Why do builders have clear lunch boxes?
A. So they know whether they are going home or going to work!