Bumped Jokes / Recent Jokes
A drunk is in the bar and crying uncontrollably.
The man beside him asks him what's wrong.
The drunk says, "I forgot what my wife told me, she said if I went out drinking again she'd divorce me and take the kids."
The man says, "Well don't go home yet. It's only 6 p.m. Walk it off"
The drunk replies, "GREAT IDEA!" Then he barfs all over his shirt, and now he is crying even more.
The man says, "Look... you got 20 dollars on you?" The drunk hands him $20. The man puts the bill in the drunk's shirt pocket and says, "When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk stumbled out onto the street, bumped into you and puked on you. And he gave you $20 for the dry cleaning."
The drunk is so happy now and heads home.
When he gets home his wife starts screaming at him. The drunk just says, "Honey I wasn't drinking. A drunk came out of a bar and bumped into me and then he puked all over me, then he put $20 in my more...
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her Fairy Godmother said her breasts would increase in size every time a man said 'Pardon' to her.
She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in seventh heaven!
She walked into a Chinese restaurant, collided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior."
The next day, the headline in the local newspaper read, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"
A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. Hello, Jenny, said the neighbour. Isnt it time for little girls to be in bed? How would I know? asked Jenny. I havent got any little girls.
Paron Me A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her chest would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her chest instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store,he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her chest. She was in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant,colided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"
Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.One said: "Why do you look so sad?"The other responded: "I lost an electron."Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"The other replied "I'm positive."
Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.
One said: "Why do you look so sad?"
The other responded: "I lost an electron."
Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"
The other replied "I'm positive."