Bumper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bumper sticker seen in Cambridge, Mass: "Re-elect President Gore in 2000"

Bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:
Clinton: We forgive you... Now Resign!
Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
Adultery is not a family value
Does character matter YET?
One More Whore And We Get Gore
Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
Jail to the Chief

Bumper stickers seen this weekend...
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
I have the body of a god... Buddha.
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name.
Illiterate? Write for help.
Honk if anything falls off.
He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
This isn't my idea of a good time.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Oh, evolve!
Gone crazy be back shortly.
If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.

Bumper stickers seen this weekend... You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.I have the body of a god... Buddha.This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name.Illiterate? Write for help.Honk if anything falls off.He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.This isn't my idea of a good time.It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere.Oh, evolve! Gone crazy be back shortly.If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.

One guy's story...

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything stupid to me or near me in traffic; and here's why...

I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of which 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for just the 32 miles that traffic is bumper to bumper.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars, plus the rest of my 34 mile commute which is not bumper-to-bumper, where I more...

This year The Frumious Bandersnatch highlights some of the more arcane or utterly worthless things you can give as a Christmas gift:
PHOTO PANTIES:
Have your picture silk screened onto your girlfriend's panties for only $19. 95. You can imagine all the creative purposes this can be put to.
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK II:
The new edition of this game is designed for know-it-alls and includes questions about subjects such as the difference between Visigoths and Ostergoths that are sure to stump them.
FREE BAJA ARIZONA BUMPER STICKERS:
We still have a supply of our non-waterproof bumper stickers that melt away at the first drop of rain. Good for use only in extremely arid regions.
WAX BULLETS:
Perfect for shooting insects inside your house, our wax bullets come in 22 and 38 caliber sizes.
LIVE TUMBLEWEEDS:
Decorate your house in Southwestern style with our live tumbleweeds. Only $44. 00.
MARS LANDERS:
NASA is offering its surplus Mars more...

New bumper sticker seen on a Florida car: "Don't blame me, I voted for both of them."