Burglar Jokes / Recent Jokes

A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house; He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak."So under the bed the burglar crept; He crept up close to the wall; He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall. He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay; But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray. At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said; She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed. She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head; The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed. From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck; The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck. She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as more...

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now hes a hardened criminal.

Jesus moses god theif burgular Jokes A burglar crept into a huge, luxurious house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Jesus is watching you."
This time, he shone his light all over, and it finally rested on a parrot.
He asked, "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that it had. "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar said, "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot' Moses'?"
The bird answered, "The same folks who would name a Rottweiler "Jesus'.!

A burglar breaks into a lawyer's house and takes all his Christmas presents from under the tree.
He gets out, but the police nab him.
The thief says, "You can't arrest me,' cause I'm entitled to the presents of an attorney."

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn more...

A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables.
He heard again, "Jesus is watching you." This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot.
He asked, "Did you say that?"
The parrot admitted that he had. "I'm just trying to warn you, is all."
The burglar sad, "Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What's your name?"
"Moses."
"Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
The bird answered, "I don't know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler "Jesus'"........

Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm - a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store's cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree's eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out "Merry Christmas, Everybody!" before singing "Jingle Bells." Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly more...