Burglar Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".
Knock KnockWhos there! Burglar! Burglar who? Burglars dont knock!
The area had been hit with an epidemic of robberies perpetrated by the notorious gentleman burglar. One night Sally woke and shook Jim.
"Jim, there's a burglar in the house," she said.
"There is not," He said sleepily. "Go back to sleep, stupid."
Just then a man sprang from inside a closet. "There is...," he declared. "Now apologize to the lady."
once there was this burglar that broke in a sperm bank, he said to the main office person that he needs to see the sperm, so she goes back and shows him, whn they get back there, the burglar says "DRINK IT" so the lady does, then when she gets done the burglar says "see honey, it's not that hard"
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."