Burglar Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2: 38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.")As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.""Scripture?" replied the burglar."She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He heard again, "Jesus is watching you." This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot. He asked, "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that he had. "I''m just trying to warn you, is all." The burglar sad, "Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What''s your name?" "Moses." "Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?" The bird answered, "I don''t know; I guess the same folks who would name a dog "Jesus".......

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2: 38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now he's a hardened criminal.

A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house;He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse.He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak."So under the bed the burglar crept;He crept up close to the wall;He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall.He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay;But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray.At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said;She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed.She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head;The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed.From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck;The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck.She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as cool as a more...

Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway

A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you. ”
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables.
He heard again, “Jesus is watching you. ” This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot.
He asked, “Did you say that? ”
The parrot admitted that he had. “I’m just trying to warn you, is all. ”
The burglar sad, “Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What’s your name? ”
“Moses. ”
“Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses? ”
The bird answered, “I don’t know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler “Jesus’”……..