Bush Jokes / Recent Jokes

a man and his best friend have a 12:00 pm tee time the man waits and his best friend doesnt show up he figures he mght have got held up at home and goes on without him he joins up with a guy on the first tee and he notices that this man has a very LARGE golf bag he kind of ignores it at first and continues playing golf... then he finally ask his new golfing buddy "why is your bag so big?" the other guy said "well sir to be honest... uhh maybe we should go behind that bush over there" so they go behind the bush and the man with the large bag looks around and says "alright my bag is so big because im a sniper" the man looks puzzled "like a hit man?" the hitman says "yea like a hitman would u like to see the gun i just got a new scope u should look through it" so the guy says ok and picks up the huge gun and looks through the scope and says" wow! i can see for miles....hey i can see my house and there is my wife...shes naked! and more...

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A new priest is being given instructions on what to do when he takes confession. The older priest tells the new man, for things like stealing, give 5 hail mary's, and for sleeping with the neighbours, 10 hail mary's. So the new priest is taking confession one day. The first man in tells the priest he slept with the woman next door. The priest tells him to do 10 hail mary's and he's on his way. The next man in, confesses to having a wank behind a bush. Somewhat puzzled, the priest steps out of the confessional box and asks two passing alter boys what the "old man" gives for a wank behind a bush. The two boys reply, "A can of Coke and a Mars Bar."

By Andrew Marlatt
Sunday, February 10, 2002; Page B05
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China and Syria today announced they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they said would be "way eviler" than the Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
"Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean President Kim Jong Il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils....I mean the best at being evil....We're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. more...

George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.

The Washington Post: "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".

The Washington Time: "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".

Mother Jones: "Bush can't swim".

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy-Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

Many of the trees and rainforests are being cut down.
So in effort the B.H.O.A. made a slogan,
Save a tree
Burn a bush