Businessman Jokes / Recent Jokes
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place to get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the deliveryman, "What the hell did you put on this pizza?"
The deliveryman bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered:' pepper only'."
A young businessman was seated next to an elderly priest on an airplane. Having a minor technical problem at the gate and the flight being delayed, the Captain apologized and announced that the airline would be buying a free round of drinks. When the charming and very attractive flight attendant came by, the businessman ordered a double scotch. Then she asked the priest if he would like a drink.
''Oh, no thank you,'' replied the priest.' 'I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol.'' Halting in mid-swallow and dribbling scotch down his front, the businessman quickly replaced his drink on the beverage cart and replied,' 'Excuse me, miss, I didn't know I had a choice.''
An Australian businessman goes to Japan to negotiate a deal. On his first night his obiliging hosts take him to a high class brothel, where he is given a choice of women. He retires to a room, climbs aboard and give his prostitute a red-hot go, finishes up, and leaves. On his way out he asks the madam, "Excuse me, the girl was fantastic, aboslutely brilliant. But tell me one thing- on every downstroke, she'd scrunch up her face and yell' WARAMAKAZI! , WARAMAKAZI! , It was amazing Tell me what does it mean? " The madam seems embarrassed, but manages to tell the man that the word means " Very Good".
Happy the man goes to his hotel. The next day his hosts take him golfing. On the second tee, his Japanese host hits an amazing drive down the middle of the fairway which bounces twice on the green and trickles into the cup for a perfect ace. The Australian businessman turns and yells "WARAMAKAZI! , WARAMAKAZI! "
His hosts turns and says, more...
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, Im making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I cant stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then youll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I cant stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you dont like factories and wont work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed." No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"
A young businessman rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. However, no business was coming in. Sitting there, worrying, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wanting to look busy, he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal. He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments. Finally, he put down the phone and asked the visitor "Can I help you?" The man said, "I've come to install the phone."
A Jewish businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a Rabbi and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the Rabbi said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman went back to the Rabbi and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an more...