Cake Jokes / Recent Jokes
The caterer
The dutiful Jewish son is sitting at his father`s bedside. His father is near death.
Father: "Son."
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: (weakly) "Son. That smell. Is your mother making my favourite cheese cake?"
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: (even weaker) "Ah, if I could just have one more piece of your mum`s cheese cake. Would you get me a piece?"
Son: "OK, Dad."
(Son leaves and walks toward kitchen. After a while the son returns and sits down next to his father again.)
Father: "Is that you son?"
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: "Did you bring the cheese cake?"
Son: "No Dad."
Father: "Why? It`s my dying wish!"
Son: "Well Dad. Mom says the cake is for after the funeral."
Whats the fastest cake in the world? Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue.
Martha Stewart vs Me...
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's more...
What do you call the Explorer who was caught and eaten by cannibles?
CAPTAIN COOKED
What do you call a cake you can give to mice?
CHEESE CAKE
What do you call a machine for counting cows?
COWCULATOR
What do you call a man who corrects examination papers?
MARK
What do you call a girl who likes to cook in the garden?
BARBIE
Q: How many Jo Brands does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, you give it to a bloody man to do, cos it's a piece of cake, isn't it? Well, no, actually, that expression is crap isn't it, because if you had a piece of cake, you'd bloody well eat it, wouldn't you?
Q: How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.
Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.
Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light bulbs.
Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.
Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb, two to lift the chair by its legs, more...
The Good Housekeeping Way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice-cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway
The Good Housekeeping Way #2
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way:
Buy Deb mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
The Good Housekeeping Way #3
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake
The Real Women's Way:
The Cheese Cake Shop sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.
The Good Housekeeping Way #4
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Women's Way:
If you over more...