Cake Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ingredients:
2 Loving Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana (small will do)

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.

2. Fold in Loving Arms.

3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.

4. Squeeze and massage milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.

5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.

6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

**Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.

Warning: If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.!!!!

1. Go to the crafts store.
2. Purchase one or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of
paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan.
3. Return home.
4. Unwrap the dried fruit, carefully folding the wrapper inside-
out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. Better
yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it
for insulation in the attic.
5. Mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the
disposable cake pan. Place dried fruit on top, gently
pushing in so it looks "baked" in the "batter." Let dry.
6. Take your "fruitcake" out of the disposable cake pan.
7. Cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding
the fruit.
8. Wrap your "fruitcake" in festive, colored saran wrap and
finish with a bow. I like using red wrap because it gives a
warm glow to the "fruitcake."
9. Give your "fruitcake" to someone you more...

Now, what I did to a guy I didn't like one night is a classic:
I saw him at a restaurant with his "other woman" seated in the corner
of the restaurant trying to be inconspicuous. I went to the head
waiter and told him I wanted to send a cake over to my friend's table
since he and his "wife" were celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary.
If you've ever been to a place like Bennigans where the waiters and
waitresses come singing and banging pots when they deliver a cake to
your table, you can imagine what happened next.
Four waiters and three waitresses carrying a cake with a sparkler
marched over to their table singing "Happy Anniversary, Carole and
Mark...Happy...Happy...Happy Anniversary."
Talk about someone looking for the exits!

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older, You are just getting better."

Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put' You are not getting older' at the top and' You are just getting better' at the bottom."

It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

Walking into the kitchen, little Johnny saw that his mother was baking a cake. "Mom, I'm going to go to my room and play for a couple of hours. I sure would love a piece of that cake when it's baked."
After the cake was baked and had cooled down, Johnny's mother took him a piece.
"Wow, he was right. It worked!" exclaimed little Johnny.
"What do you mean?" asked his puzzled mother.
"Well," replied little Johnny, "Daddy said to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first."

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older,
You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said,
"Just put' You are not getting older' at the top,
and' You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you more...