Cake Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)

CALL THE more...

A woman in an diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled, "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"

A man was sitting with a few beers watching T.V.
When his wife came home she opened the door to the house and said to her husband "Honey could please fix this door, it's gonna fall off". He replied "Do I look like I have Mitre10 on my head"
She said nothing. Later she asked him to fix the ladder so she could change the light bulb and he said "Do I look like I have HandyMan on my head?.
Then she asked if he could wash the car and he said to her "Do I look like I have Shell Service station on my head"?
He became so mad he said "I'm sick of you, get out of my way - I'm going to the pub".
When he came home late that night he noticed the door, light and car had all been fixed.
"How did you do that"? he asked his wife.
She told him that when she had been sitting on the doorstep crying when he left and a nice man asked if he could help her. She told him what had happened and he said that all she had to do for more...

BOY: Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL: Why not? ? BOY: I'm broke. BOY: May I hold your hand?? GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy. GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?? BOY: What time was it?? GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY: You love me... GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY: Sure, what's your phone number?? GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.. BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?? BOY: I love you and I could die for you! GIRL: How soon?? SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?? TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. Man: You remind me of the sea. Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? Man: NO, because you make me sick. Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter? more...

Father O'Flaherty-Wills was walking in the park, when he saw 3 nuns sitting on a bench. It was obvious that they had all been crying; there were tear-stained cheeks and red eyes in evidence all round.
Eventually, he calmed them down, and suggested they all go to the cafe and have coffee and cake.
When the cake arrived, Father O'Flaherty-Wills holds out the knife and says "And who's going to be mother?" and they all burst into tears again!

Recipe for Banana Cake

Ingredients:
1 bedroom
2 smiling eyes
2 well shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur trimmed mixing bowl
1 large banana and essence
2 anxious nuts

Method:

Go into bedroom, look into smiling eyes
Separate well shaped legs, squeeze milk containers until
fur trimmed bowl is well greased
Add banana and essence
Gently work in and out until well greased
Cover with nuts

Notes:
Cake is done when banana is soft
Wash utensils. DO NOT lick bowl.

If cake starts to rise....... leave town.