Candidate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was injured in a serious accident but, fortunately, the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both ears. Due to this unusual handicap, he was very self-conscious about his appearance.
As a result of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company and decided to fulfill his dream of owning his own business. He went out and purchased a rather small, but expanding, computer firm. Soon realizing that he had no business knowledge at all and knew nothing about running such a business, he quickly set out to hire someone who could run it for him.
He picked out three top candidates and proceeded to interview them. The first interview went very well. The candidate appeared to know everything needed and had a pleasant personality. At the end of the interview, the man with no ears asked him, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" "Well, yeah," the candidate answered, "you don't have any ears."
This more...

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate wouldhave been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcertingmannerism. He kept winking."Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good referencesand experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all thetime, it might put our customers off.""No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid ofit is to take a couple of aspirins."So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled tosee dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy dutyvarieties and every known brand of standard condom."Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winkingstopped at once."Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to bewomanising all over his territory.""Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married.""Then how do you account for all of these more...

During one of the general elections, an unusually self-righteous and aggressive Janata candidate confronted a staunch Congressite.' After all the evil deeds done by the Congress party during the Emergency how can you vote for that party?', he asked.
Unabashed, the Congressman replied:' I am a Congressman because my father, and before him his father, were for the Congress'.
Aha!' exclaimed the Janata candidate triumphantly, hoping to squash the voter.' If your father was a donkey and before him his father also was a donkey, what would that make you?'
'That, sir', retorted the voter,' would make me Janata.'

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with an astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C.
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, only drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
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Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final win ner.
There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things. The candidate who catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote, cold, icey lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.
At the end of the first day, Kerry. returns to the headquarters and he has 10 fish. Soon, Bush, who has answers to more...

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Sompala Pathirana a Sinhalese living in USA.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA programming to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Soma says to himself,' I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try' Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room.. Soma says to himself' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Soma says to himself,' I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 more...

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one. Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.

Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down more...