Candidate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate:"What was your annual salary, and what was your profession? "I made $150, 000 as an Attorney" comes the reply. "You may enter" says the Angel. Second candidate, same question. "I made $95, 000, I was a realtor." He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man's turn. "My annual salary was $8, 000." "Cool!" replies the Angel, "and what instrument did you play?"

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent
most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't
bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch.
If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify
ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light
years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of
100 major American corporations and asked for stories of
unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job
application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and
the music at the same time."
3. "A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to
office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the
personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and more...

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch.
If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."
3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries more...

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - more...

The political world was thrown into a frenzy today when Brett Favre announced that he's not only considering retiring from football but also considering running for President in 2008.

With his dramatic announcement, Favre becomes the only political candidate to be considering two plans for the future at the same time.

"This is just the kind of multi-tasking Americans expect from their next President," gushed political commentator James Carville on ABC's Meet the Press.

Favre emphasized that he wanted to make a decision in time for Democrats to draft another candidate in the event he decided not to run. "Which means y'all will know my plans sometime around late September in 2008," said Favre.

The Green Bay quarterback defended his decision to consider his decision to retire noting that he felt he still could perform at the professional level despite his advanced age and deteriorating skills and added, "Just like John more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Fargo, North Dakota: A candidate for sheriff has challenged his opponents to a shootout, calling it a test of a law officer's ability to protect the public." Clearly, being the best shot doesn't necessarily make you the best sheriff, but I think it proves a point," Ken Schwab said Tuesday. Schwab wants the four other candidates to meet him June 1 at a shooting range. Each will fire 24 rounds at targets to determine the best shot, Schwab said. The challenge could be a problem for one candidate -- a well-known local tax protester and convicted felon who's not allowed to possess a firearm.