Cards Jokes / Recent Jokes
Chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is
ONE: Finding a Christmas tree.
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TWO
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The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is my
[Husband]: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
THREE
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The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
[Inebriated man]: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
FOUR
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The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
[Frustrated man]: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
FIVE
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The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
SIX
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The sixth more...
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?"
The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?"
"Yes."
"Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."
"Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight."
Girlfriends are like credit cards, you can't get one unless you already have one.
"If Men TRULY Ruled the World!"...
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history!
The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Two words..."Ally McNaked".
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Garbage would take more...
Q. What did the gambler do with his cards?
A. He Palladium.
The Man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT
The Woman Discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION
The Woman Discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP
The Man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS
The Woman Discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY
The Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD
The Woman Discovered FOOD and invented DIET
The Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE
The Woman Discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE
The Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY
The Woman Discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING
Thereafter Man has discovered and invented a lot of things. .....
While the Woman STUCK to shopping. .........
Where did the pirates play cards? On the deck!