Carrot Jokes / Recent Jokes
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with
their wagging fingers and annual tip on how to get through the holidays
without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a
list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,
high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on
vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief.
Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't
think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I
have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow
them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's?
Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, more...
A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but doesn’t.
Next day the same guy with a carrot in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again the bar tender wants to say something about the carrot but doesn’t.
The 3rd day the same guy and the same carrot go to the bar and order a drink. As the bar tender serves the man he can’t stand it any more. He says to the guy, “Hey Mack, you know you got a carrot in your ear?
The guy replies, “I can’t hear you because I’ve got a carrot in my ear. ”
A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but decides against it.
On the next day, the same guy with a carrot in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again, the bar tender wants to say something about the carrot but doesn't.
The 3rd day the same guy and the same carrot go to the bar and order a drink. As the bar tender serves the man he can't stand it anymore. He says to the patron, "Hey, you know you've got a carrot in your ear?"
The patron says to the bartender, "I can't hear you! I've got a carrot in my ear."
Once a rabbit came to the town & went to a Hard-ware shop & asked the shopkeeper "is there any carrot here?"
The shopkeeper thought "or... poor rabbit may hungry" & told "dear, this is a hard-ware shop, no carrot here, if u want carrot go & ask that corner shop which sells vegetable"
Rabbit went off.
Next day rabbit came again & asked "is there any carrot here?"
Shopkeeper was a little angry but thought rabbit might forgotten the previous day & replied "I told u once, this is a hard-ware shop & no carrot here?"
Rabbit went off murmuring to itself.
Again rabbit came to the same place next day & asked "is there any carrot here"
The shopkeeper got wild badly & screamed at the rabbit "u fucking rabbit, how many times I have told u no. if u ask again I fuck u & hang u by neck, on this beam, with a rope! !!!!"
Rabbit went off quickly into the bushes.
In the very next day rabbit more...
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it’s the season when the food police come out
with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the
holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can’t pick up a magazine without
finding a list of holiday eating do’s and don’ts. Eliminate second
helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say.
Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite
childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn’t think so. Isn’t mine,
either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list
of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you’ll
be fat and happy. So what if you don’t make it to New Year’s? Your pants
won’t fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of more...
I hate some things about this time of year. Not the crass
commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season
when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and
annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10
pounds.
You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday
eating do's and don'ts... eliminate second helpings, high-calorie
sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on
vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot
is something you leave for Rudolph.
I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if
you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't
make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts
carrots on a more...