Carter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Collage 268 27 MAY 96
SUBJ: College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ A. build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
___ A. Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic
(check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ A. Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) more...

In an open letter Jimmy Carter apologized for any words or deeds that may have upset the Jewish community. Unfortunately, he ended the letter by saying, "I wish all my Jewish friends a very Merry Christmas."

In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke.

He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story was quite short, Carter was surprised by how quickly the interpreter was able to re-tell it. Even more impressive was the reaction from the crowd. Carter thought the story was cute, but not outright hilarious, yet the crowd broke right up. Carter was very flattered.

After the speech, Carter wanted to meet the translator to ask him how he told the joke. Perhaps there is better way to tell the joke?

When Carter asked how the joke had been told in Japanese, the translator responded, "I told them, `President Carter has told a very funny joke. Please laugh now.`"

College Entrance Exam
Football Player Version
1. What language is spoken by the FRENCH?
2. Give a dissertation on the anient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions.
-OR-
Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one)
A. Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion: How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell - Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush:
Carter:
Clinton:
10. Six kings of England have been more...

College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ A. build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
___ A. Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ A. Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and more...

From the November Contemporary Comedy
I've got the Jimmy Carter Flu. Every time you think it's gone for good it pops up again.
Carter and Clinton are living proof that it takes two Democrats to screw up as much as one Republican.
Let's face it, health care is dead - and so are the people who don't have it.
Congressmen who weren't reelected are leaving office with huge pensions. That's why we can't take it us - they're taking it with them.

IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great, But.. . there are problems that can't wait! Now Benton's fine, and Carter too, But Ross and Susan just won't do! Now who do you think that we should hire, Since both of them today I'll fire? Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see.. . Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree.. . Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt.. . But the paramedics just pulled up. Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got? Shep: This little boy has just been shot! His pulse is faint, his breath is weak. We did all we could to stop the leak. Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip.. . Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip? Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair, So I shoved her--lightly--down some stairs. Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three! Doug and Susan! Come with me! Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see? We've got some more; one, two, and three. Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be? more...