Carving Jokes / Recent Jokes

Carving a canoe isn't that hard. You just take a big block of wood and chip away everything that's not a canoe.

A blonde is eating out at a very fancy restaurant with her family. Right then she sees an ice carving of a dolphin by the wall.
She says to the waiter, "I love that ice carving, but what do you do with it when it melts?"

A 1,000 lb. chainsaw carving of former Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas is missing one day after it was unveiled. But it still has more catches than Terrell Owens.

It was xmas day. a little toddler was crawling round the house, spying on his older sister, brother, mum and dad. Later that day, the fathers boss an his wife were coming round for xmas dinner..
First, he stood outside his sister room and listened to a conversation she was having with her friend "Shes a right bitch... and hes a bastard too" the little boy didnt know what these words meant, so he ased his sister "erm... it means ladies and gentlemen" she said.
Satisfied, he went upstairs, where is mum was applying her makeup. clumsily, she dropped her lipstick andsaid "shit!" again the little boy didnt know this word "it means makeup, son", she said.
Finally, the boy went down to see his dad, who was carving the turkey. He accidently sliced his finger with the sharp knife. obviously in pain, he cried out "fuck!" yet again, the little boy wanted to know what this word meant. "it means carving" he said.
10 more...

A man and his son were driving in the car, when a police pulled them over for speeding. "
Oh Shit!"
exclaimed the father.
"
What does shit mean daddy?"
Asked the little boy innocently.
"
It's...ummm, it's just what you sometimes call a police man."
When they got home, the father slipped on the doormat, "
Oh Piss!"
exclaimed the father.
"
What does piss mean daddy?"
Asked the boy innocently.
"
It's what you sometimes call, a doormat."
The father made his way to the boot rack and tripped over a chair exlaiming; "
Oh Shag!"
As he landed on it.
"
What does shag mean daddy?"
asked the little boy innocently.
"
It's another way of saying... Sit on."
The man went upstairs and was shaving his face,, when he cut himself. "
Of Bollocks!"
Exclaimed the man.
The little boy popped more...