Casino Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10, 000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude."

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON."

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.

A middle-aged man was golfing one day, and as he was about to hit the 18th hole, he suddenly heard "ribbit 9 iron". He looked around, but seeing nobody but a frog, he went back to his business of golfing. Again, the voice said "ribbit 9 iron". He looked around again and his eyes landed on the frog. He said "well mister frog, I guess i will give it a try. i have nothing to lose." So he got his 9 iron out of his bag and proceeded to hit a hole in one. He picked up the frog and said "by golly, you ARE a lucky frog. where shall we go to see just how lucky you really are?" and the frog replied "ribbit los vagas."

So the man and his frog got on the next plane to Los Vagas. When they arrived, the man asked, "where to now?" and the frog replied "Ribbit casino". They walked into the nearest casino, and the man asked "what shall we play?" and the frog said "ribbit rulette". The pair walked over more...

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.
The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO!
Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE!
So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
The deep voice says: 27!
He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the more...

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: "DIG!"

He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: "I SAID, DIG! "

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: "OPEN! "

Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.

The deep voice says: "TO THE CASINO! "

Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.

The deep voice says: "ROULETTE! "

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says: "27! more...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude."
With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES! I WON, I WON, I WON."
She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"
The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, ''I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked.'' With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling ''Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!'' She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling ''YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!'' With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left. The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, ''What the hell did she roll anyway?'' The second dealer answered, ''I thought you were paying attention!''