Catholic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him' Father'.
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper............ Whenever he walks into a room, people say,' Oh my God...'."

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q: What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehovah's Witness? A: Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fuck off! Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm? A: Because men fake foreplay. Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick! Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? A: Dating children. Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball? A: A guy will actually search for a golfball. Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A: She knows she's given her last blow job. Q: Who is the more...

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together." A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" "I mean her legs!"

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

The Vatican released a Statement today saying that pedophilia is not just a Catholic Church problem, and that other institutions should take steps to acknowledge and deal with such “wickedness” within their own ranks.

You hear that Kevin Bacon.

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around." A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policemanchecks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind." A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of thecrowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age." Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not evena Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth'sCatholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listeningto the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to wherethe dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and saysin a solemn voice:"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72.. . "

>> The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin
>> Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
>>
>> "Your Holiness" said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to
>> challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical
>> spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
>>
>> The Pope thought is was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club
>> in his hand. "Have we not," he asked "a cardinal who can represent me
>> against the leader of Israel?"
>>
>> "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added,
>> "there is a man named Jack Nicklas, an American golfer who is a devout
>> Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal; then ask him to play
>> Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to
>> showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match.
>> Everyone more...