Celebrity Jokes / Recent Jokes
Celebrity birthdays, today Monica Lewinsky is 28. It seemed like just yesterday she was crawling around on the floor in the Oval Office.
David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like toshow him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and startsfucking her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!"The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies,"I know, it's fucking magic."
Q: What did Mike Tyson say to his girlfriend?
A: I'm EARresistable
Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps. Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you. Homer: Why you little --!
Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY8: 00 Husseinfeld8: 30 Mad About Everything9: 00 Suddenly Sanctions9: 30 Allah McBealTUESDAY8: 00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror8: 30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right9: 00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things9: 30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution BloopersWEDNESDAY8: 00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer8: 30 Diagnosis: Heresy9: 00 Just Shoot Me9: 30 VeilwatchTHURSDAY8: 00 Mahatma Loves Chachi8: 30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H9: 00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses9: 30 My Two BaghdadsFRIDAY8: 00 Judge Saddam8: 30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things9: 00 Achmed's Creek9: 30 No-witness News
Weird, but allegedly true, celebrity encounters as quoted in the book "Elvis Presley's Pharmacist Was My Sunday School Teacher" (Alaska Northwest Books, $8.95).
"While playing a celebrity basketball game at the Pentagon, I mistakenly put on Al Gore's jockstrap."
"I once heard Brian Keith belch."
"I was circumcised by C. Everett Koop."
"Kurt Cobain puked on my ex-girlfriend."
"I took Captain Kangaroo's stool sample."
"I once built a stage that Glenn Campbell fell through."
"I watched Jaclyn Smith pick her nose while driving her Corvette."
"I sat on a plane next to the best friend of the nephew of the Japanese guy that President Bush puked on."
"I threw a Frisbee to the Emperor of Japan."
"My ancestors ate Magellan."
"I know a guy whose father's more...
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony." Sent by Zena