Cell Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to identify where a driver is from...One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New YorkOne hand on wheel, one finger out window: ChicagoOne hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BostonOne hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator:California *with gun in lap: L.A.Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ItalyOne hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: SeattleOne hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city maleOne hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the more...

There is an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Ukranian and the are in their final stages of training for the FBI. The agents explained to them their final test.
"We have each one of your wives contained in separate cells and what you guys have to do in order to complete your FBI training is you have to prove your loyalty. You must grab that gun and go into your wifes cell and kill her."
The englishman grabbed the gun. "Man I hate that bitch. She is going to get it good." He walked off into the cell and was in there for about a minute. There was just silence. He came out crying, "We've been maried too long. I just cant do it." So he was booted out.
The frenchman grabbed the gun. "If I must, I must." He went into his wifes cell for about a minute and there was silence. He came walking out crying, "I love her too much. I just can't do it." So he was booted out.
So the ukranian grabbed the gun and stormed into his wifes cell. more...

There is an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Ukranian and the are in their final stages of training for the FBI. The agents explained to them their final test."We have each one of your wives contained in separate cells and what you guys have to do in order to complete your FBI training is you have to prove your loyalty. You must grab that gun and go into your wifes cell and kill her."The englishman grabbed the gun. "Man I hate that bitch. She is going to get it good." He walked off into the cell and was in there for about a minute. There was just silence. He came out crying, "We've been maried too long. I just cant do it." So he was booted out.The frenchman grabbed the gun. "If I must, I must." He went into his wifes cell for about a minute and there was silence. He came walking out crying, "I love her too much. I just can't do it." So he was booted out.So the ukranian grabbed the gun and stormed into his wifes cell. "That fucking more...

AOL announced another rate increase today moving the ulimited access rate up too $23.90/month. Thought this joke was appropriate to celebrate the occassion.
1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later... and later... and later... and oh forget it.
4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights.
8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
9. Anyone dissatisfied could more...

Based upon new research, scientists claim that excessive cell phone use can affect the quality of a man's sperm.
On a brighter note, they no longer think that cell phone usage affects man's other, less-used brain!

I have to get out of here," screamed Father Klaus from the confines of his tiny cell. "Please! Please! I can't stand it in here. I can't breathe. Please, won't somebody help me before the walls close in?" His pleading trailed off into the stale air of the monastery's damp stone halls.

Outside the bolted door, Fathers Pietro and Alberto shook their heads in pity. Father Klaus's condition had gradually worsened to the point where it became necessary to lock him away every time he had an attack. They were reluctant at first but when he threatened to jump from the belfry a few months ago, the monks were left with no choice.

Besides, none of them had any medical training so they would be unable to help their unfortunate comrade. Not that such training would have done any good. Father Klaus's condition was more psychological than physical and thus, required a completely different method of treatment. None of them felt qualified to delve into the deepest more...

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell, which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello", she cried, but there was no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" She cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice. "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE??"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

"We're down here..."