Cell Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the phone.The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband:"Hi honey", he says "how do you like your new phone?"And she replies:"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though"."What's that, baby?," asks the husband."How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &
FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to more...
Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?"6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?
Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.
1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?
2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?
3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?
4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?
5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?"
6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?
7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?
8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?
9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists have been operating in New Orleans, Louisiana. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 had been detained.
The Police Superintendent stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.
The police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area.
Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the phone.
The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband:
"Hi honey", he says "how do you like your new phone?"
And she replies:
"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though".
"What's that, baby?," asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"