Cell Jokes / Recent Jokes

In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8'x10' cell.
At work, I spend most of my time in a 6'x8' cubicle.
In prison they get three meals a day.
At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prision they can work out, read books, and play vollyball in the yard much of
the day, for free, then relax in their cell.
At work, I don't have any time on my break to go to the library or gym.
In prison they get time off for good behavior.
At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the
clothes.
At work there is a dress standard, but I must buy my own clothes.
In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors
myself.
In prison a guard would lock and unlock all the more...

Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions. 1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes? 2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial? 3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom? 4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case? 5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?" 6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections? 7. Do you use the menu light as your night light? 8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call? 9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?

John Daly’s ex-wife has been accused of stealing his cell phone. To prove it, investigators will examine phone records to see if any calls were placed to somewhere other than take out Chinese or a liquor store.

A friend of mine studying medicine once told me this story.
Apparently one day there was a lab where all the students were
learning how to identify various cells. As samples they were
using tissue scraped from the inside of the mouth.
One girl was having terrible difficulties figuring out what kind of cell
she was seeing under her microscope-eventually she called over the
teaching assistant to identify it.
He came over, smirked, and exclaimed, loud enough for everyone to hear,
"Oh wow! That's a sperm cell!"
She was somewhat more careful after that experience....

A biotechnology company has developed a new way of creating stem cells, billing it as a potential solution to a contentious political and ethical debate. Robert Lanza, of Advanced Cell Technology, said the solution was simple, "We are going to continue our research as normal, we're just not going to tell Republican what we we're doing. We're going to tell them we're making freedom cells."

It was Rocky's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with his meager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of his cell, Rocky heard a voice call out "44" and the whole cell block erupted into laughter! Another voice called "16" and again there was laughter. A third voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the block. Rocky didn't know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall. "Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from next door. "What's going on, here?" asked Rocky. "Well," said the other inmate, "down in the prison library there's only one joke book. We've all read the book so many times that we don't waste time telling the joke, we just call out it's number." So the next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found r the yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from more...

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun more...