Chaim Jokes

A young, single man, having no family, often ate at a restaurant in the center of the city of Chelm. He knew the owner Moishe and he ate there regularly. The only other restaurant in Chelm, Chaim's, was located directly across the street from Moishe's.
One day, the young man went to eat at Chaim's and when Moishe saw what happened, he was totally distraught. He said, "how can you not eat at my place? Are we not like family?" The young man replied that indeed they were.
Moishe asked,"Isn't my food good?" The young man replied that the food was delicious and that the portions were exceedingly generous. Moishe then asked, "so why did you go eat at Chaim's restaurant on the other side of the street?"
The young man replied that he had terrible toothache on his molar on the far left side of his mouth. He was told that the intinerant dentist would not be in town for another week. Therefore, the young man explained to Moishe, "I went to the Rabbi more...

One day, Chaim was walking down the street when who did he see driving a brand new Chevrolet? Moishe. Moishe pulled up to him with a wide
smile.
"Moishe, where did you get that car?" Chaim asked.
"Rochel gave it to me."
"She gave it to you? I knew she was sweet on you, but this?"
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on county road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Rochel pulled off the road into the woods. She parked, got out of the car, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Moishe take whatever you want.' So I took the car."
"Moishe, you're a smart man, them clothes never would have fit you."

Chaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, "Are you Jewish?" The man says, "No." Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, "You wouldn't happen to be Jewish would you?" The man replies, "No!" Joe immediately apologizes. Five minutes later he says, " Can I ask you a personal question.... are you Jewish?" He shots, "NO!" Joe continueslike this for the next four hours. When the train stops, the man runs away. When he gets to the hotel, he realizes there is someone next to him. It is Joe. Joe asks, Say, are you Jewish?" The man is so fed up that he says, "Yes." Joe says, "That's funny... you don't look Jewish at all!"

Moishe mit Rochel's car Vun day,
Chaim vas valking down da street ven who did he see
driving a brand new Chevrolet? It vas Moishe!!
Moishe pulled up to him vit a big vide smile.
"So... Moishe, vere did you get dat big fancy car?"
Chaim asked.
"Rochel gave it to me"
She gave it to you? "Rochel gave you a car?" I knew she
vaz sveet on you, but dis?"
"Vell, let me tell you vot happened. Ve vos driving out
on county road 6, in da middle of novere.
Rochel pulled off da road into da woods. She parked, got
out of da car, trew off all of her clothes and said
'Moishe take vatever you vant.
"...Sooooo, I took da car"."
"Moishe, your a smart man, dem clothes never voulda fit
ya."

Chaim and Moishe were walking along a dark alley, and saw two suspicious characters in the distance. Chaim says to Moishe: "We better run: there are two of them."