Chance Jokes / Recent Jokes

WHY? . ..... 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do' tug' boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't' expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a' wise man' and a' wise guy' opposites? 14. Why do' overlook and' oversee' mean opposite things? 15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it more...

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won’t be able to graduate tonight. ”
Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox’s football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn’t going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, “Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance! ”
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a “One Question” math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, “What is 2 plus 3? ” Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, “I have it! The answer is 5! ”
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and more...

One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you more...

1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

2. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

3. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

4. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

5. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

6. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

8. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

9. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

10. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

11. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

12. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" more...

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that: - quicksand can work slowly - boxing rings are square - and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write, but fingers don't fing... - grocers don't groce,- and hammers
don't ham?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England, nor French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies... while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

If the plural of tooth is teeth... - why isn't the plural of booth beeth?


One goose, 2 geese; so, one moose, 2. .. meese?

One index, two indices?

Is cheese the plural of choose?

If it is he, his and him - Shouldn't it be she, shis and shim?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, more...

An Old Indian was standing on the corner. A good-looking woman passes by, on the way to work. The Indian raises his hand in greeting and says, "Chance!"

The same thing happens several days in a row. The woman walks past, the Indian raises his hand, and says, "Chance!"

Finally, one day, she can't ignore it any longer, stops, and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?"

He nods.

She says, "I always thought Indians said' How!' as a greeting."

The Indian says, "Already know' how'. Just want' chance'."

During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks".

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing.

"Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender?

"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. "Aw, you more...