Chaplain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two privates stationed at a fort were handed shovels and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying. "This here's a big mule!" "This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey." "Mule!" "Donkey!" Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by. "What are you boys doing?" "We're diggin' a grave for this mule." "Donkey!" The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass." An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?" "No sir. We're diggin' an asshole."

Two privates stationed at Fort Campbell were handed shovels and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying.
"This here's a big mule!" "This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey."
"Mule!"
"Donkey!"
Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by.
"What are you boys doing?"
"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."
"Donkey, dammit!"
The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass!"
An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?"
"No sir, we're diggin' an asshole."

The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two more...

Posted for: Chaplain Palindro Meemordnilap
Chaplain's thought
Today is the feast of St. Nicholas (the original Santa Claus) who was a fourth century pioneer in microbiology and biochemistry. We don't know an awful lot about him except:
He managed to create a race of stunted, servile humanoids who were impervious to cold and had great manual dexterity.
Studied the effects of lysergic acid diethylamide on water buffalo, elk, caribou, and reindeer.
Left the corpses of his enemies impaled on pikes along the road leading from the field of battle.
Besides vague historical references to his possible origin of what is now Romania and a health condition that required ingestion of large quantities of human blood to stay alive, that's all we know about Santa Claus.
I guess there's a lot of wonder in unconditional and serendipitous concern in a world that can seem uncaring and unconcerned. It's like seeing that red beam of laser light on the forehead of very dark more...

Chaplain Meemordnilap's "Chaplain's thought" posted earlier was in error. He had St. Nicholas (the original Santa Claus) confused with St. Dracula.
St. Nicholas, as we all know, is said to have lived in a fortress in the arctic region, from which he flew to reward good and punish evil, using the great powers he gained after being rocketed to Earth from the doomed planet Krypton. That is, except when he was disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper.
Please correct all manual and computer copies, and report to your local Inquisitor to have all traces of Meemornilap's heretical teachings erased from your mind.
- Father Talbot, Lycanthropoi Khristoi

Posted for: Chaplain Palindro Meemordnilap
Chaplain's thought
Today is the feast of St. Nicholas (the original Santa Claus) who was a fourth century pioneer in microbiology and biochemistry. We don't know an awful lot about him except:
He managed to create a race of stunted, servile humanoids who were impervious to cold and had great manual dexterity.
Studied the effects of lysergic acid diethylamide on water buffalo, elk, caribou, and reindeer.
Left the corpses of his enemies impaled on pikes along the road leading from the field of battle.
Besides vague historical references to his possible origin of what is now Romania and a health condition that required ingestion of large quantities of human blood to stay alive, that's all we know about Santa Claus.
I guess there's a lot of wonder in unconditional and serendipitous concern in a world that can seem uncaring and unconcerned. It's like seeing that red beam of laser light on the forehead of very more...