Charge Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is original. After this experience, I wrote it up for a local
newsgroup. I was asked for some clarification, and I posted the followup
at the bottom.
Last Sunday, I was waaaaaaiting for my son (7 years old) to get ready
for church. Since I had him trapped, I decided it was time to discuss some
of the 'Facts of Life' with him:
Son, you have gotten old enough that you can be trusted with one of
the Important Secrets of Manhood. You must never tell this secret to any
women or girls.
'OK'
You have probably noticed that most things are run by men. The boss is
usually a man. Men usually get paid more than women. HOWEVER, there isn't
all that much difference between men and women.
'But what about...'
OH that. That isn't all that important. Are you any smarter than the
girls your age?
'Nope'
And I am not any smarter than the women my age. And you know your mother
could probably whip me in a fair fight. So, why do you more...

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they`re the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I`d like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It`d kill me, you idiot! I`m out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

To: All university hospital nursing staff.
From: Administration/Groundskeeping
Subject: New Cost Cutting Measures.
Date: May 21,1997.
Effective August 1, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each
Charge Nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of
ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In
addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the
patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided
for patrolling the parking areas. In light of the similarity of
monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance
duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardiac and
security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need
to let their families know to bring something, or make arrangements with
Subway, KFC, Dominos, etc. before more...

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."

All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not more...

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks:

"So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, General. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."

"Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says:

"Private Cooper! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you fucking crazy? It'd kill me, you asshole! I'm out of here!"

As private Cooper ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty damn brave to talk like that to more...

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge. The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge." Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge." All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not important! You can't be in charge." So the rectum closed up. After a few more...

Is it because light travels faster than sound why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

It's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow. How cold will it be?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Why do banks charge you an "insufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?