Chat Jokes / Recent Jokes

T'was the night before Christmas
I just couldn't sleep.
So I hopped out of bed
and downstairs I did creep.

I went to the kitchen
in search of a bite.
If I filled up my stomach,
perhaps I'd sleep tight.

The cupboard was empty
the fridge, it was bare.
I searched but I couldn't
find food anywhere.

I looked out the window:
Streets covered with snow;
at two in the morning
just where could I go?

I spied my computer,
I just go bootup that.
I'll take me online
for some Christmas Eve chat.

The modem connected
without a delay!
In the blink of an eye,
I'd be chatting away.

But-----no voice bid me "Welcome"
or said: "You've got mail."
And I thought now's a bad time
for my sound card to fail.

My buddy list opened
with not even one name.
Is everyone sleeping?
Well, I'll go play a more...

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.

3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.

4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.

8. If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he'd IM you.

9. You don't understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the "real" world is at your fingertips.

10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

11. When you have sex, more...

Jill phoned her husband, John, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said John, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat." Jill replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear." "OK darling," said John, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news." "Okay," agreed Jill. "Well, the air bag works...bye!"

Two mates are having a chat over a beer."Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?"one bloke asks his friend."No way!" his mate replies."Well," says the first bloke,"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?""Fuck no!" his mate replies."Well," says the first bloke,"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor.She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water, and in the water floated, a condom.Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer."Sister," he asked, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the crystal bowl)"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?""I was walking downtown last fall more...

Q. What do you call two fat men having a chat?
A. A heavy discussion.

On the twelfth day of AOL those buttheads gave to me,
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail,
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnections,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech help,
3 error messages,
2 pieces of junk mail,
and a jerk cursing in a chat room.