Chemistry Jokes / Recent Jokes
Quantum Chemistry
On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: four harmonic oscillators, three orbitals, etc.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: Five Hermitian Operators! Four harmonic ocillators, three orbitals, etc.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: six spin-orbit couplings, etc.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: seven basis functions, etc.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eight time dependent perturbations, etc.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: more...
Test Tubes Bubbling
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire")
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at ypur nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.
Chemistry Wonderland
Gases explode, are you listenin'
In your rest tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if what's left is nitrate
My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?"
and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?"
Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. - Mike Adams
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of an overdose.
How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!
It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. -quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)
Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logaritm is linear with 1/T - D.L. Bunker
Q: What weapon can you make from the Chemicals Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A: KNiFe.
We Three Students Of Chemistry Are
We three students of chemistry are
taking tests that we think are hard
Stoichiometry, volumes and densities
worrying all the time.
O room of wonder
room of fright
Room of thermites
blinding light:
With your energies
please don't burn us
Help us get our labs all right.
Lab Reports
(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Dashing through the lab
with a tan page lab report
Taking all those tests
and laughing at them all
Bells for fire drills ring
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
a chemistry song tonight.
Oh, lab report, lab reports,
reacting all the way
Oh what fun it is to study
for a chemistry test today, Hey!
Chemistry test, chemistry test
isn't it a blast
Oh what fun it is to take
a chemistry test and pass.
Silver Nitrate
(to the tune of "Silver Bells")
Silver nitrate, silver nitrate
it's chemistry time in the lab
Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring
soon it will be chemistry day.
Take your nitrate, in solution
Add your copper with style
In the beaker there's a feeling of reactions
silver forming, blue solution
Bringing ooh's ah's and wows
now the data procesing begins.
Get the mass, change to moles
what is the ratio with copper?
Write an equation, balance it
we're glad it's Chemistry Day.