Chemistry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams

Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.

Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of an overdose.

How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!

It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. --quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)

Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logaritm is linear with 1/T -- D. L. Bunker

Q: What weapon can you make from the Chemicals Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A: KNiFe.

CHEMISTRY RHYMES
Old Man Stokes
Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine
Who lived beside the Raleigh line;
Old anti-Stokes, his existance denied,
Lived never-the-less on the other side.

Chemistry Wonderland
Gases explode, are you listenin'
In your rest tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if what's left is nitrate
My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?"
and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?"
Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.

Q: What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
A: Methylated Spirits!

Q: How many atoms in a guacamole?
A: Avocado's number.

Q: What do chemists use to make guacomole?
A: Avogadros.

Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.

These were printed on bumper stickers and given out at an American Chemical Society meeting 10 or 12 years ago: It takes alkynes to make a world.

"Take plenty of the dark purple solution", Tom offered, managnimously.

"This old pipe is rusty", said Tom, ironically.

I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.

Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.One said: "Why do you look so sad?"The other responded: "I lost an electron."Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"The other replied "I'm positive."

When a father came home, he asked his wife where their son was. She told him he was in the basement playing with his chemistry set. The father was curious, so he went downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he could hear a banging sound. When he got to the bottom, he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall.
"What are you doing, son?" the father asked. "I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"
"Oh, this isn't a nail, Dad, it's a worm," his son replied. "When I put these chemicals on it, it became as hard as a rock."
The father thought about it for a moment and said, "Tell you what, son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagen."
Naturally, his son said, "Sure, why not."
The following day, his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then, his more...