Chest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny's parents were having a party at their house. One of the guests was observing Little Johnny, who would hold his chest whenever he bent down.
After a few minutes, the woman asked Little Johnny, "Why do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"
Little Johnny said, "It is to keep my lungs from falling out. One day my teacher was writing on the board, and the chalk fell down. When she bent down to pick up the chalk, I saw her lungs come right out of her chest!"

John and Betty had only been married a couple of weeks when Betty started to complain about a burning sensation and pains in her chest. Concerned that it may be something serious, John insisted that she see the doctor as soon as possible.
Betty arranged an appointment with the doctor and saw him the following morning.
While he was at work, John received a phone call from the doctor, "I'm sorry to say your wife has acute angina," the doctor said.
"Yes, I know," John replied, "She has a nice set of tits too!"

1. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
5. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room and. .. you won't have to check in as' Mrs. Cucumber'.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
12. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
13. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
14. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
15. A cucumber won't ask:' Am I first?'
16. Cucumbers don't care whether you're a virgin.
17. more...

A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"

"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought,' I just paid $6, 000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought,' I just paid $3, 000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought' This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I more...

A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, "I put Vaselineon it every night." That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went to bed. His partner George said, "What in the hell is that?" "It's to grow hair." he replied. "Bull shit!" said George. "If Vaseline grew hair...I'd have tail a mile long!

A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too. Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you have?" The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, more...

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn`t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn`t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."