China Jokes / Recent Jokes

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice:
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: more...

What do golfers use in China?
China tees!

What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!

Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!

In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!

Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!

What do you mean by telling everyone that I’m an idiot?
I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret!

Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!

What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it’s best to write with a pen!

Are There Jews In China?
Yitzhak and Moshe were eating in a Chinese restaurant in London.
"Yitzhak," asked Moshe, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don`t know," Yitzhak replied. "Why don`t you ask the waiter? I`d be surprised if there were no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter came by, Moshe asked, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don`t know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
The waiter returned a few minutes later and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Moshe asked.
"I ask everyone," the waiter replied. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"

there are 3 people 1from china, 1 from america and 1 from india
and all three of them are trying to prove whos country was more scientifically developed.
(1)
The Chinese man takes the other two along with him to china and digs the ground 200 meteres he finds a phone cable and says >>my country had phones 200 years ago
(2)
The American man gets really frustrated and takes the other two to america, there he digs a hole 400 meteres deep and finds a telephone wire, he then says >we had phones 400 years ago.
(3)
The Indian then takes the other two to india and digs a hole 800 meteres deep but finds no wire at all he then says 800 years back we had mobile phones!!

A China university has built the world's largest earthquake simulator. The second largest earthquake simulator is Kirstie Alley.

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
Dear China,
We’re sorry you don’t train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our apology, here’s a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.
We’re also sorry your front-line fighter planes can’t outmaneuver a 35-year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you’d like to purchase some surplus 1950’s-era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan…since they just replaced all theirs with new F-16’s.
We’re also sorry you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. For future reference, here’s an American 6th grade geography textbook. (Please note the Copyright information printed inside the cover.)
In addition, we’re sorry you can’t seem to see your part of this incident. more...