Chip Jokes / Recent Jokes
A married couple was on a golf course, as the woman was cadding for her husband. The man tees up and shanks the ball way off course and it lands next to the clubhouse. The woman quickly observes that' if you open the clubhouse front doors, and I hold open the back doors, you can easily chip it right onto the green'. The man thinks about for a bit, and agrees it is a possible shot. So he lines up the shot, and chips it. Bang. It hit his wife right in the head and she dropped dead. A few years go by, and he's up at the same tee with his new girlfriend cadding for him. He again Shanks the ball next to the clubhouse, and she notices that if she holds the back doors open it would be an easy chip to the green. The man looks totally shocked by the irony of the situation, and replies. Nah, last time I tried that shot, I double boogied the hole!!!
One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside a monastery
A monk came out and invited him inside to have dinner and spend the night. The motorist accepted. That night he had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips.
He decided to compliment the chef. Entering the kitchen, he asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No," the man replied, "I'm the chip monk."
A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result.
On his way home he pops into the newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the newsstand "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35" was the reply.
"I'm actually 47 years old" the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into the Fish & Chip shop to celebrate. Before leaving, he asks the same question, to which the reply is "Oh, you look about 29" This makes him feel really good.
Whilst standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your trousers and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
Being as there more...
The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low. The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin’ the farwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin’ the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin’ home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain’t in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it’s cold outside
SCREEN: What to shut when it’s black fly season
BYTE: What them dang flies do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: What’s in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife
LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse more...
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's final agony, as he started to slip away, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs defying the pull of Morpheus. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing in the kitchen. Were it not for the immense pain caused by his extreme exertions, he would have thought himself already in heaven for there spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table - were hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, with tears in his eyes, he more...
INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out
of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the
best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The
Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and
electonic engineering. This newly developed organic
microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory,
1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than
the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several
flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Barbeque for those
engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for
secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, sour-cream and onions for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be
released for the Very High End more...