Chip Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old man was laying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies. He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world. With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen. There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. "Leave them alone!" she said, "They're for the funeral!"
Every Coder in Codeville liked objects a lot.
"Tested," "Reusable,' that's what was hot.
But the Grinch of Reality sulked in his cave,
Saying, "Hear them all talk of the time that they'll save!"
The Grinch hated Coders, and liked them to sweat.
He thought, "I can make them unhappy, I'll bet!"
He read through 12 texts, then looked up with a grin:
"Why, this is as good as original sin!"
He read with a chortle, "An object or class,
Is like a black box hiding all that it has.
Its details invisible: All that you know
Is what should go in and what answers will show."
He slunk to the West Coast and into a lab,
Where chip engineers were at work at their fab.
He heard their boss saying, "Forget testing tricks:
This one is the same as a 486!"
His chance had now come. From their math microcode,
He struck out one line as it more...
Chocolate Chip Cookies: Ingredients: 1. 532. 35 cm3 gluten2. 4. 9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4. 9 cm3 refined halite4. 236. 6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177. 45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116. 177. 45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117. 4. 9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9. 473. 2 cm3 theobroma cacao10. 236. 6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the more...
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!)
Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood.
RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season.
Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below.
Screen: What you need for black fly season.
Byte: What black flies do.
Chip: Whatcha get when you chop wood.
Micro Chip: What's left when you've picked up the chips.
Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around.
Modem: What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: John Matrix's wife.
Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy
Keyboard: Where you hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic more...
One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in their notebooks. She noticed that Chip, the dumb jock, was having trouble with her directions.
"Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip?" said the teacher.
"Nope. I haven't," said the dumb jock. "Somebody went through and drew lines across all of the pages."
One Day this blonde decided to go ice fishing. She found her a nice spot on the ice, set her pole down, and started to chip away at it when all of the sudden she heard a voice say,
M-am, there are no fish in there.
Kind of startled, she just shrugged it off and started to chip away again, when the voice came back saying, M-am, there are no fish in there.
Again the blonde just ignored it and started to chip away at the ice, when the voice came back again saying, M-am, there are no fish in there.
Finally the blonde could not ignore the voice any more and asked, God is that you? The voice replied, No, I am the man that talks on the speaker system of the ice rink, M-am, there are no fish in there.