Choir Jokes / Recent Jokes

The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip.
They made a large sign, CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP, and on the given Saturday business was very good.
But by two o'clock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea. She printed a very large poster which said, WE WASH (then an arrow pointing skyward) GOD RINSES.
Business boomed!

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service!

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a more...

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone more...

1. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

2. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

3. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

4. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

5. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

6. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

7. This being Easter Sabbath, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

8. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

9. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and more...

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside. One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing,' I Shall Not Be Moved.' The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song,' Jesus Paid It All.' The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was' I Love To Tell The Story.' The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang' Oh, Why Not Tonight.' When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang,' What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'

You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.The collection plate is never passed to the choir. There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look.You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the minister/priest to catch you.The chairs for the choir are padded and are the most comfortable chairs in the church.

BaptistryA church's swimming pool. Designed by a finance committee
with a concern for cutting costs.
Blind FaithObsolete phrase meaning visually challenged faith.
BurnoutWhen clergy start preaching from the telephone book. The
result of extreme overwork or excessive stress. Hiding the telephone
book is not a sufficient treatment.
CampingA specialized ministry traditionally offered in the
summertime. Often directed at young people. Theologically, it has the
potential to teach valuable lessons about the Israelites' 40 years in
the wilderness. This is usually thwarted by the tendency of churches
to place their camps in swamps, rather than deserts.
Candlelight ServicesA time when otherwise sensible choirs wander
around in darkened churches singing with fire in their hands. Not
surprisingly, this has been known to affect the quality of music.
Canon LawAn ancient arms limitation treaty.
CassockShort for "clergy hassock". more...