Choir Jokes / Recent Jokes
These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service!
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the more...
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church more...
The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the
sweetest face for the opening scene of the Christmas play. "Now,
all you have to do, when you hear me say to the choir' ... and
the angel lit the candle', is come on stage and light all the
candles."
"I can do it, I can do it!" the little boy said, excitedly.
Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The
choir was ready, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens
of unlit candles all around, and all awaited the moment when the
cute littlest angel would make his entrance.
The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and
the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an
expectant "... and the angel lit the candle"
Everyone looked stage right for the entrance.
No little boy.
The director gave the downbeat again, and more loudly said,
"... and the angel lit the more...
'Apparently' taken from actual church bulletins:
1. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
3. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
4. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
5. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
6. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
8. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
9. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Bailey to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
10. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the Choir!!
11. The Rector is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church more...
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
Were these words actually printed in church bulletins or delivered during church services? Who cares!
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The sermon this morning:' Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight:' Searching for Jesus.'
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be' What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who more...
You know your church is a redneck church if...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch' em.
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "Branding".
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to more...